so after the shitstorm that came of boltong’s post on supervillainy in real life (spoilers: bolton is right and everyone attacking her is being unfathomably stupid) i decided to more closely examine my own relationship with the villains about whom i commonly scream “BABY” when they show up anywhere and how i would react to them in real life
specifically the nolanverse batman villains
so here it is, my self-insert into the dark knight trilogy
Batman Begins
- I stay at home on tumblr all day because shit’s dangerous out there and tumblr is cool, I probably blog about how weirdly attractive almost everyone is and how weirdly unattractive the rest of them are
- Crane releases toxin into city
- I fall down, scream, and
presumably die because I think I’m surrounded by fishhave to be rescued by health professionals I move the fuck out of Gotham
The Dark Knight
- Joker does scary shit and I literally never leave my apartment because I am so terrified that I will pee if someone comes within fifty feet of me
- The exploding ferry thing happens and I vow never to take public transit or trust another human being ever again
- I unknowingly buy tranqs from Crane’s drug ring in a futile attempt to calm myself and end up in the stupid fish dream again and have to get my ass rescued by doctors again at this point my medical bills are ridiculous and everyone laughs at me
- The fuck do you mean I can’t move to another city
